As I approach the end of my time here in Los Angeles, at university, I can’t help but mull over certain times and aspects of my life that have had detrimental consequences to my health, quality of life, and relationships. I speak a lot less, and I think that’s partly because I realize many people spend their time talking about pointless things, such as gossip and other frivolous matters. When I go out with friends I usually spend the majority of my time watching people, easing in to their half-baked conversations and in the process, hoping to hear wisdom and sound advice. Unfortunately, though, most of the time these conversations are baseless rooted in nothing but depravity and self-absorption. The things that ruined my life are obvious yet complex due to the nature of how I came across them in the various stages of my life.
- Women – I have had too many unhealthy and unstable relationships with women, both romantic and platonic, and I have come to realize that quality friends with men or women is better than have a large quantity. I think most of the time I spent with those men and women in the past was due to a certain imbalance of emotion and feelings mostly dealing with insecurity. Even now, I have to fight the urge to find hope and meaning in other people, to include women. I think we humans do this because so much of our lives is largely dependent on other people, and to be honest it is really hard to be self-reliant. It seems as though every aspect of life requires some type of interaction or involvement with another human – there is no escaping it. Now, as I am approaching 30 years on Earth, I have come to to the realization that the best thing someone can do for themselves is to wait, patiently, as hard as it is because good things come in time, but anything that is rushed is cheap, dirty, and unsatisfying.
- Alcohol/Excessive alcohol – I have lost some family members to this dangerous drug, and to this day I wonder if alcohol plays a role in genetic determinism. As much as I enjoy being social and around other people, it really frustrates me that we, us, drink on the premise of relation, or more so we drink because its cool, or because we want to be a part of something. Quite frankly, with the exception of maybe a couple of beers, or a glass of wine, I really don’t like alcohol. I don’t like the taste, and I don’t get why other people like it either. Again, I think the reason people drink because it is largely due to our culture and it is because of our culture that we have been socially engineered to drink and if we don’t it’s assumed that were “struggling,” or there is a religious motivation like we are some type of prude.
- Porn – I can’t explain the horror that this device, this form of depravity has corrupted my mind and soul. Porn gives us a backwards image of people. It reduces humanity, both men and women, to things, as objects, dick and pussy, breasts and ass, it is by far the lowest thing out there today. The worst part of porn in my generation is that it is so easily accessible, a kindergartener can get it off his mom’s phone, a homeless person can find connection by a nearby wifi network, it’s everywhere, subliminal and up-close, it’s everywhere. I can’t remember how young I was when I first got exposed to it, but I think I was like 10 or 11 years old, and I remember feeling strange, eerily different about the whole experience and because it was so invasive and hidden, I became addicted. I wanted more. The thing with porn is it never satisfies the lust and sexual drive. You watch it and then watch it again and again and again. The more we watch it the more grotesque it becomes. What’s worse is sometimes porn consumption takes such a hold on us, that sometimes we want to act it out, so we hurt those close to us – family, friends, acquaintances. It is my belief that whether or not we are caught using it, porn always has an outside effect on our personas and ultimately our bodies. We whore ourselves to this medium, and sadly for someone of us, we create our own porn fantasies.
- Drugs – I know there is legitimate discourse and literature available that proves that drugs, some of them, have medicinal benefits; however, I don’t believe that doing drugs for recreational purposes is a sound and moral choice. My experience has been foggy mixed with bad choices and post-traumatic events. The thing about drugs is that there is no absolute condition to what effect it will have on the user – everyone is affected differently. The other issue I have drugs, like alcohol, is that it alters who we are. It changes our true selves. We essentially are taken over by the liquids, fumes, smoke, that go into our bodies and something else takes a hold of us, an alter, an alter-ego. We lose ourselves in the midst of using drugs and in the end, sacrifice our bodies and minds to other spirits and outside entities. We change, and sometimes that change has detrimental effects – effects that will rid us of our integrity and dignity.
- Religion –