This weekend I am going to try magic. It will be a one time deal, a one time experience.
I am hopeful that it will be a good experience and that I will learn a lot from it.
I am taking it because I want to promote growth. I believe that sometimes experimentation is necessary for developing the mind and body. I won’t share it with many people as I believe it to be a private concern, but I will document it before and after. I will be doing it with my friend James and hopefully, we will also have another one of his peers to accompany us. I am not concerned about the experience. I believe things will go quite well actually.
My intention is to see deeper within my spirit and subconscious mind and understand where it is in my life that I need improvement. I also want to understand where my stress comes from and if it is possible to love and forgive again after this experience. I know going in before hand that I have a lot of unresolved anger with people I have loved and trusted in the past. I also know that deep down I have some insecurities about myself that I sometimes don’t admit to. I hope that I can uncover another level of truth within myself and the cosmos. I want to learn a deep lesson from this experience and I want to be able to attain another level of wisdom from it.
In order to prepare for this experience I have increased my intake of water. Also, this past month I have not eaten meat. I have stuck strictly to a vegan diet. Next month I will reward myself with a fine steak and expensive glass of wine.
Lately, I have noticed that women have been paying more attention to me, I am not sure why. Maybe I am changing without me knowing it, but I do notice people’s reaction to me is different. I have debated within myself whether or not I should approach these girls and see if I should open myself up to love again, but I don’t think I am ready. Also, I don’t think I can trust women. The last woman I loved was sleeping around and what’s worse, I knew the guy she was with. I don’t appreciate that. It has forever left an image in my mind about her and the man. Now I think about the future and whether or not I’ll ever get married. I think about people like Leonardo DiCaprio, and others who live healthy and successful lives and they are not married and do not have children. I guess this society assumes that people will get married and have children. I have always been against society and the norms anyway.
I look forward to this weekend and I am optimistic that things will go well.