Her name was Sunny, and here were her words:
” You are a good man with many talents. However, you have not been happy. You wake up in the morning not because you want to but because you have to. When you are home you want to be out and when you are out you want to be home. You go out into the world and put a big smile and help many people, but you are not doing well inside. Actually, you are lying to yourself. If a man asked you for your coat you would give it to him, but you know deep down inside that if you asked the world for a coat it would not give it to you. You are also very angry, and you have a wild temper. You are confused. Who is Initial J?”
“It’s my roommate. My friend James.”
“James is not really your friend. Actually behind your back he says many things that are contrary to how he acts in front of you. This relationship is not healthy because it is very superficial. I see a move coming for you soon. I also see a reward, some type of a new opportunity for you. It will be revealed to you next month on the 17th. But in order to receive this new opportunity you will have to make change. You are gifted. What do you now?”
“I’m a student at UCLA, I’m a senior.”
“I see…I want to help you, but you have to want to help yourself first. You hate school. Am I right?”
Pause…This is bullshit. All of this, it’s all fake. It can’t be real.
“Yes, you are right.”
“There’s also a relationship that you lost in the past. You lost it because you were childish, and so was the other person. You both were not ready to make a commitment and for that reason you both lost something special. But now that person is back in your life. You want to be with this person, but you are not ready. The good thing for you is that you recently became a man. I see great changes coming for you. But these opportunities and changes will not manifest unless you follow-through. There’s a lot of projects, ideas and dates that have not come true because you have failed to commit. Am I right? Or am I wrong?”
Agh! I hate this. I hate this bitch. All this shit, it’s not real. This is some idolatry, some type of pagan shirt.
“Who’s initial M?”
What? What did she say?
“Who’s initial M?
Should I tell her it’s me. Should I tell her that I am M. I am Michael. That is my real name. No, I can’t that gives her some type of clue into who I am. I gotta get the fuck out of here….But maybe she’s right. Maybe she does have some insight. Fuck! Just stay, get what you paid for and don’t do this shit again..
“I am…I’m initial M. My name is Michael.”
“You get in your own way. It’s you fault that you are were in this position. It’s no accident. You have a purpose but it will not become fully realized until you take full responsibility for your actions. I see a great future for you. You will not be very famous, but you will be loved, and you will be a great leader like a manger of some sort. You will also have family. But none of these things will be possible unless you decide to take care of yourself. Let me help you…If let me help you I can help you settle these things of the past. They are haunting you, are they not?
Pause. Don’t say anything. Let her do the talking. This shit is bogus.
Don’t tell her about Dylan, don’t tell her about anything that is important to you. Keep your mouth shut. Let her figure it out. If this bitch is real then she can tell me what my problems are. This ain’t real.
“Why don’t you believe me? Are you scared because you know I am right? You have some type of stomach pain?”
“I stabbed myself in the stomach. I tried to commit suicide.”
“You see what I mean? There is something seriously wrong. You have tried everything. You have taken medicine, spoken with family and friends, you been hospitals. No one has the answers for you. Let me help you.”
I hesitated. I looked around. This place doesn’t quite sit right with me, but why? What am I doing here? This stuff isn’t legitimate. Or is it? Maybe this is indeed rooted in religion, in the ritual, in the history of humanity – maybe I should give this a chance.
“Let me help you. Let me get you one of my crystals.”
I knew this point that I was good. I had received everything that was important to me. I needed not to continue on. Plus she can’t change my situation. She can’t connect me with my Baby, and she can’t take away this pain. I’m sick, and just like all the other people and places I have visited for help, they weren’t able to do anything for me.
“I’m good thank you.”
I got up and looked around. This can’t be real. This shit is mad fake.
“See your hesitating again. Look, you’re confused. Come back and see me.”
I left the shop and right before I cleared out of sight she said,
“You’ll be back in 10 minutes. Watch.”
I didn’t go back. I had heard enough to know that even if her reading was indeed a bunch of bullshit, a lot of it had to do with my situation and feelings in life right now, so I took it for what is was and I accepted it as my truth and no one else’s. It is my to take ownership of.
But I am still hurting. Not only myself but for Her. Just like I am trapped, so is she. She may pretend to be tough and strong, but I know deep down inside my Baby is hurting and she may be hurting just as much as I am. Just like I have lied to myself so is she. And no person, man or woman, can convince her outside of the reality that she is not with me, and she may very well never be with me, so she buys into the lie and gives in. Now we both sit here, patiently, as we are controlled by these outside agents and spirits and hope that one day we may be together. A day where I can look her into the eyes and smile, and laugh and cry without anymore shame or guilt; to love her not just sexually but spiritually to love her; to reward her the love and affection that has been due for years; to give her an opportunity to speak her true self and give her the opportunity to lay rest on me all her sins…all her worries…all of her life.
Faith, hope, and love…And out of these three the greatest is love.