The Ballad of a Bastard

Nobody wants me, but I’m here.

I didn’t get to choose my daddy or my mommy, but I’m here.

Daddy where’s my mommy?

Mommy where’s my daddy?

I’m here, but nobody wants me.

My daddy hates me

My mommy hates me

I’m alive and well, but nobody wants me.

I look around the world and see all these unwanted babies.

Why? Why? Why?

Why are there so many dead babies?

Why doesn’t she want me?

Why doesn’t he want me?

I am a curse.





The world was burning. The people were scattered, they were running everywhere. There was screaming, shouting, and tears in their eyes. I stood there calmly. I did not move. A young boy ran up to me and his eyes were filled with tears. He screamed but I did not flinch. I stood there silent and watched the world go up in flames. The boy’s mother ran up to him and then went bent down on her knees before me. She cried her heart out, but I did not move or blink. This was the end. This was the beginning of the end. 




Where will I meet you?

Where will I meet you my great adversary?

Where will I see you?

In the great depths of Seoul? Or perhaps in the blackness of night?

Where will I see you?

Why do you hide from me? Are you afraid to face death?

Are you not my friend?

Are you afraid to be exposed? To face the truth of you imminent sentence?

Do not worry, I have the keys. I decide who will be let out.

Why are you afraid of the black? Why are you afraid of the Truth?

You feed on the young, and you feed on the weak, but why not face someone strong?

Your time is running out my dear admirer from afar. Your time is running out.

If I don’t see you in this world then I shall surely see you in the next.

Do you not want to kiss Death before your time?

I will love you until the end because I can forgive in this world, but in the next I will not.

In the next world I will bring pain, destruction, and torture.

I am the son of Satan, but you already know this.

I am the Beast – the beast on the leash.

The stars watch from above, and the demons wait for their release.

Oh my precious precious sweet son. I know the truth of your backstory.

Sweet sweet spoiled Son. You have been given everything your whole life.

So why not kiss me before your eternal payment? Are you afraid to die?

Are you afraid of the Lake of Fire?

Oh my sweet sweet Son, you too, are the son of Satan, don’t you see? Your works are not hidden from me.

So let it be then. Enjoy your quiet decadence, enjoy the raping of Angels, enjoy your adulterous lifestyle.

But I, my precious creature, will not have mercy in the Underworld.

Because you ignore me and not face me like the gremlin that you are, you shall endure much pain and suffering.

You may be a Ruler in this world, but I will be the King in the next.





Monday, February 27th

1.) Quiz – Myth and Ritual – Review notes and readings

2.) Meeting with Professor Sharma – 1:45p.m.

3.) Gym – 2:30p.m. – 3:15p.m.

4.) Film and Feminism 

5.) Study – YRL: 2 hours (Review syllabus for Public Policy)

6.) Email Professor Kaufmann

7.) Email T.A. Shemell on topic of for Myth and Ritual – Satan




Cutting because the woman I love is invisible.

I watch as these bitch ass niggas dance and play the clown,

I watch as these pansy ass boys get the girls and they are superficial as fuck,

I watch and see these jocks get their cocks sucked.

And I sit here playing the good boy, getting drunk and high and trying to forget

that I am the lost boy,

nothing, everything but nothing.

I sit around and watch everyone get what they want.

I sit here and watch and waiting, practicing patience, acting like the good old soldier.

I can’t wait to die. When will this life end?

Please G-d take my life, I am ready to die.

I don’t want anything else.

Send me to the depths, send me to the end, I don’t care.

Strip my flesh, strip my soul, rip my hair.

Rip my soul, rip my emotion, I am running out of motion.

Running out of purpose, running of out meaning.

Illuminated, enlightened, but suffering, and losing

But in the persecuting I am winning

doing my best not to do wrong and not to give in to sinning.

End my life G-d.

End my life, please.

I’m tired.


I’m living a lie.

Smiling, smiling, smiling and smiling.

Dead man smiling.

It’s pathetic that he calls, but it’s romantic that I think.

I want you Baby.

You don’t know how much I want you.

It’s sick how much I want you.

Lock me up, put me in a straight-jacket, put me in a home, but no matter what they do

I will never stop loving you Baby.

I’m sick.


Saturday, February 25th

If UCLA beats Arizona tonight then UCLA will win the national title.

If Arizona loses tonight against UCLA then UCLA will win the national title.

If Arizona defeats UCLA tonight then UCLA will not win the national title.

If UCLA loses against Arizona then they will not will the national title.

If UCLA wins tonight they will win the national title.

If UCLA wins tonight against Arizona they will be the national champions.


TODAY, Today, today

Live now, today.

Don’t worry about it, things will happen, as they always do.

Today, live for today.

Don’t worry about yesterday, be here, today, now.

Live, breathe and look up to the sky.

Deep breath in, blow it out, it’s going to be okay.

Live, now, today.

That’s all that matters is that we keep on living.

Go forward, press on, fight, fight fight.

Keep living, keep breathing, the end is just the beginning.

Yesterday had it’s share of problems but so will today,

but keep living, moving on, moving strong.

There’s nothing to fear, everything has its purpose.

Everything has its time. Live on, and don’t forget to smile

It’s okay to cry, but it’s even better to laugh.

Live on, fight on, and keep pressing forward.

As they say, love, love and laugh, but at the very least laugh, because at the end of the day it’s just you, the sun, and the moon and the stars.

Look up smile because they are all yours.

So live on, fight fight fight, and don’t forget to smile.