The Perfectionist

My Baby is a perfectionist, she likes things in a certain way, in a particular order. My Baby deals with a lot of anxiety over trivial matters because she is doing her best to not only control her environment but to also put out the best content and material in this world.

My Baby is boss, but she is really hard on herself.

The irony behind her insecurities is that I think she’s perfect. I don’t have to know her that well to know that I think she is ultimately one of the best women I have grown to understand in my life through introspection, prayer and meditation.

I know that she is far more mature than I am, and given her family history, she has to put up with a lot of bullshit in her house, but yet in still she sticks by her family and maintains a strong network of friends.

I believe that due to the nature of the Roman Catholic faith, she also gets down on herself with maintaining a relationship with G-d, but then a responsibility to her community. Like Judaism or Christianity, I believe Catholicism puts a huge emphasis not only in individual responsibility but also community servitude as well.

To think that she’s so young, and yet has already accomplished so much for herself. One day she will be a great mother, a wonderful counselor and hopefully, my best friend.

I also can understand that because she is a beautiful woman, her intelligence may be passed up by her peers or potential suitors – ahem- cocksuckers. Unfortunately, this society assumes that young, rich, blonde women are doormats, dumb, and incapable of having a deep intellectual and enriching conversation. What a shame! Not my Baby, no, she has many thoughts, ideas, and ways about her that if she took the time to actually open up to her wider circle of peers, they would be blown away by her aptitude and capacity of retaining knowledge and regurgitating it for public consumption.

I am so proud of her, and to think she has so much more ahead of her. This is one of the many reasons why I am so motivated to achieve a higher echelon of success – I want her by my side. I want her to be my support where I fail and fall short of accomplishing the necessary tasks and objectives. I want her to be mine.

However, I have to be willing to accept that she also has options around her and ahead of her. I’m not naive to understand that the City has many avenues of approach when finding a potential partner and future spouse. I don’t know what dating is like in the City, but I would imagine it is hard to find and building meaningful relationships. The stress and anxiety of dating and finding a suitable mate in a culture saturated with excess, porn, drugs, and atheism is not conducive to love, faith and a long lasting friendship that leads to marriage. That is the challenge I guess, to put yourself at risk in a place that quite possibly no longer honors G-d, country, and family. One is forced to live in a duality – a life of public image and a life of private religiosity.

There’s so much that I want to do for her, so much I want to say, but I must remain patient, quiet and in silence. I have to do the necessary things for myself that I may one day be a better man for her. It’s not good enough to strictly rely on my feelings for her. Feelings fade in time, but commitment, hard work and faith will manifest a long lasting happy union. I gotta keep fighting!


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