I want to marry her. I want to marry D.
However, there’s still a lot of work to be done.
For me, I need to graduate with high marks this June and prepare myself for SFAS. I will be into the selection process for two years before I have an idea of where I am headed.
When it comes to her position, she will be in school for I think the next 2.5 to three years, that’s plenty of time for me to figure out where I will be in my career.
What irks me is the time apart and the communication. I understand that she needs time to herself, for her family and friends. I get it. I support it. However, I need to figure out a way in which we can talk maybe once or twice a year. I need to know that she’s in this, if not, I need to clear my head of this idea and not begin a path of false hope.
I know I can’t control her, and I’m not asking her to change, but I’m not comfortable with her going out and fucking other guys. I also understand that because we are not married yet she has the right to do whatever the fuck she wants to do. I just really hope she abstains and finds other ways to deal with sexual cravings and temptation. It is not good for her or I to continue in sexual sin. We have to learn self-control. The more people we open up to the more damage we do to our souls. Again, I can’t ask her to be celibate for me, that would be selfish, I just really hope she takes care of herself and not open up to other guys. The long term effects are really damaging and I don’t want her bringing in a clouded mind with several different partners and ideas into our bed. At the end of the day, I will love and accept her no matter.
Please G-d protect her and lead her down the single path. Give her the strength to exercise control. Give her the strength to say “No.”
I have made my commitment. I just hope she is ready to make commit as well.