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Liberal Logic 101: Sins of My Father

My Grandpa a liberal

My Earthly father a liberal

No word to their name

They scared to commit

They scared to admit

That their sins have a consequence

I am the bastard the unwanted child

Rebellious, belligerent, do whatever I want

The aggressive one the deviant curse

The one that is not hesitant to look in the purse

For a dollar or 4 quarters, schemer, revolution

Screaming, looking for help, looking for my guardian angel.

I burn. I cry. I feel.

I’m angry. I hate them. I love them.

I just want one. I just want one to love to call mine.

The one I can brag about, show around town and no feel shame about.

My sexy BAE, everyone know there’s one way, JC, on my neck, G-d on my head.

Tall, blonde and sexy in my bed, and no regrets.

Mixed kids, just did, with the gospel strapped to my hip

9 on my side, but I’m registered, ready to die with a dog by my side.

I love her till the day I die.

Love her till she’s old.

Love her till she’s dead.

Lover her till the end.

And after she’s gone, I still brag about her.

I love you baby.

 

DC.

 

#BlackFriday

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Snapped!

This morning I snapped at my father.

I woke up from a decent sleep ready to begin my day with chores and leisurely activities.

I slept in the office room, where my father and step-mother do most of their bill payments and planning to include emails and printing.

When I began to fold my blankets my father came into the room and commented on my choice to sleep on the floor.

“Do you really like sleeping on the floor?” he asked.

“Yes.”

I proceeded to Jake and Jayden’s room, my little brothers (from my father’s line), and shuffled through some of my laundry to find some clean clothes. My fathered followed.

“Are you okay?”

Here we go again…

“I noticed around the house you seem stressed, not well. The way you look around, and sometimes when Jake and Jayden talk to you, that way you look at them.”

I can’t believe this manIs he fucking stupid? He’s asking me if I’m okay? Of course, I’m not okay you dumb fuck. I’m paranoid. I’m stressed. I have headaches. I have night terrors. I have nightmares. Man can this guy get a clue? 

“Not, I’m not okay.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“From what? Things you saw in the Marine Corps? Did you have something going on before?

“I don’t know. I’m not really sure.”

 

“Why don’t you tell me?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

I don’t remember what followed next, but he kept prying, repeating himself and asking questions that I really didn’t feel like answering. It felt like he was acting as my psychologist.

I yelled, I shouted loud enough that the neighbors probably heard me.

He got upset, and I was boiling and I could feel the temperature rise in my veins.

“You talk too much! You’re a narcissist! A control freak! G-d dammnit!”

“Not listen here! I have done everything to support you and offer you help. Now I got to speak.”

My mind became foggy, cloudy, and I started to feel more rage build up in my neck and shoulders.

I wanted to punch him, grab him by the neck and slam him against the wall, but I remembered, “You must honor your father and mother.”

I went downstairs and headed out the door because I couldn’t take his bullshit anymore. I went on a walk.

I walked for four hours around the neighborhood passing all the schools I went to in my childhood. Aliso Niguel, Wood Canyon, Don Juan, I passed through three stages of my life in the course of four hours.

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Hypocrites

We call ourselves Christians, but we don’t believe in Him.

We say the right things, and do the right things but our hearts are not with G-d.

We consume, exploit, and find various ways to get what we want whether it be power, material possessions, or companionship.

We are desperate for attention, longing for affection, but we look outward to a world that does not honor the Lord, to a world that does not want to be sanctified.

Instead, we want to be comfortable, stable, and secure. We are hiding from the inevitable truth – we are all dying.

But the ultimate Truth is that judgement is upon us, and we do not want to face that reality, so we distract ourselves with movies, romance novels, music and other forms of entertainment. We delude our minds and say, “This is it,” while taking another shot of alcohol.

We live in a day in age where truth is hate speech, and is received in fear. We lie, and conceal rather than confess and heal. We don’t want the truth because it makes us feel…real. We would rather forge ourselves a fantasy with fake husbands and fake wives, and abuse our children in our pride. This is not love. This is control.

“Get away from me, I never knew you” he will say.

Will you be ready to accept the penalty for your sins?

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February 4th, 2016

Ah my boy, I see that you are downtrodden and faint of face.
Let me try to guess the matter:
You are lonely and filled with anger;
Not only that, but your mind races with anxious thoughts
Which bring you to the top of high places but only in your head is this happening.
After the rise you fall rather quick and to the pit you sit in a dwarf state questioning
Your existence, contemplating the reason behind Creation, and plotting ways in which death is
Exhilarating and liberating –
It is no accident that you are strong with drink but only in secret I can see
Haha, my boy, you are not the first!

You imagine a world free of injustice and inequality and at the same time you realize your effort is futile, trust me, I have felt the same.

My boy, listen here! You are not alone!
For many men have come before you and have been wrought by the evil nature of man and his obsession with control.
We are all selfish in our ways and many will hastily deny this truth
But it is fair, it is fair. After all who wants to depict themselves as a tyrant?

I say this:

It is right for you to want a woman.
It is right for you to need intimacy.
It is right for you to want power.
It is right for you to need money.
It is right for you to want acclaim.
It is right for you to need privacy

But remember, nothing is possible without the will of others.
You are nothing without her and she is nothing without you.
They are nothing without the collective work of others.
It is you and it is they, so do not exclude yourself from the work and love of others.
Instead listen, and be quick not to speak.
For the greatest stories have yet to be revealed and you possess the ability to write them down as they come.

Be not afraid to sit alone for minutes and then hours and then days, but remember,
Your work is nothing more than words on a page and without the gaze of others you will be forgotten and I know, I know, you want to be great; You want to be remembered.
Now, let us go outside and enjoy the sun because tomorrow will bring another set of worries;
And if I see that your face is down and not looking up then you should expect a kiss from
A burly old man with many years of experience with this emotion the Quo call depression.
Get off your bottom! Go! Go now!

#February4th2016

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Focus, and determination.

It’s time to get focused again. Time to cut-off the filth from my life.

No more excess. No more bad food, no more wasting money on pointless material possessions.

It’s all about quality time and quality people who care about me, who actually care about me and my mind, heart and soul.

It’s time to return to the path that God has originally put in place for me. I need to prepare my mind and body to serve again.

No more porn. No more escaping with entertainment and other pointless crap.

I must spend time with my brothers, and my sister.

I must spend as much quality time with them before I go off to serve again because I fear I will not be coming back.

It’s time to get focused again.

Get off the social media, and spend time with people who are physically involved in your life. It’s time.

I must start working out five days a week, and I must start reading everyday whether it be the Bible, or history books or memoirs from soldiers.

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Army

I want to join. I want in.

I want nothing more than to be an infantryman.

The best place for me is in the community of servicemen and women.

This sounds outrageous, but I would rather be serving in a combat zone than be stuck here in Los Angeles selling my soul to these lying cocksuckers.

I hate Hollywood. Hollywood produces nothing but evil, satanic propaganda that brainwashes the future generations of children.

We are in a place in history where morality is relative to the latest trend and most popular celebrity.

Please G-d, get me out of here. Let me serve again. Let me mentor and teach young men and women the greatness of your love.

Guide me in the way of righteousness, and lead me down the single path.

Amen.

 

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